Backroom dealings

For a sad little Mischief Maker, this afternoon has unearthed a twisted and thrilling Hacky drama, that even contains a sub-plot.


The characters: the Tories, C&S, our very own Village Idiot, Nad-he-he-him, Farid Butt-face, the PakSoc Massive and the ISoccers (O, and Disandildo is chucked in the mix to make the Comms commentary 'fair').


The Tories of recent are at the end of their teather with all this Labour-style-'red-tape'. More accurately, they can't be naffed with their prohibitive Constitution anymore. I mean, all that voting people in democratically, and being closely associated with the SU is all a bit crap really isn't it? It's all just tit-tat, thwarting their grown-up plans to be independent and rule over us all. So the Toffs got pro-active - donning the smart yet snazzy combo of rugby shirts, cordroy jackets and loafers - and decided enough was certainly too much. So in the very near past the head honchos went to C&S with constitutional reforms to realise their independent, autocratic dreams.


They chose their time perfectly; beautiful political calculation indeed. For it is erection time, and certain people desperately need votes.


This Hacka-mucho is obviously unsurprised that the eccentric right-wingers of C&S acquieced their request. But the Guardian's of the Constitution are not all from that nutty bunch. Indeed, ex-5ive frontman, Abzzzz, and Nadzzz (who, incidentally, was also in 5ive - although he was the talentless bufoon who had to have his voice modulated so it sounded in tune) both also sat on the prestigious committee - and both voted for the Toffs dodgy plans.

Why would they do this? Maybe it's because at home they too wear loafers, and rugby shirts, and gurn like only a Toff can? Yet the Hack Attack suspects that Abzzz and Nadzzz - who are both grooming anything that moves to try and avoid embaressment and rise above everyone's expectations to land one vote - had their minds and sense clouded by the big erection coming up in front of them.

Enter Bully Butt-face, who hears of the plan. In a rage comparable to King Kong on steriods leveling the Empire State Building, he decides to punish the two using his brutish command over PakSoc (which is based largly on massive bluffing skillz) for to their recent C&S voting behaviour (even though it was technically fair and democratic) because, well...because he can. To the Hack Attack's knowledge the two are unaware of what awaits them (and the knowledge is, afterall, just based on the sweet, soft tweeting of Blue Tits), but let's just say that the pair should not bet on receiving any PakSoc supporters for their street teams next week, well, at least none that Butt-face has mind control over, which, by the way, he has done not by belligerent behaviour but through a nifty little transmitor placed behind the left ear, where most people don't wash. Cunning.

So we can expect the PakSoc Massive heaving all their efforts into helping our lovely, little, sweet Jam-sandwich-spread with her A-R campaign. Afterall, she needs all the help she can, as the thought of elections are throw her into fits of cute giggles that make fairies sing and bring hedgehogs out of hibernation, and her policies consist of making sure that every colour and brand of board marker is present in every teaching room and allowing animals to study at LSE, because 'they're people too!'

All of this goes on with further news of our very own Village Idiot has already been craftily guaranteed the ISoccer vote by the top-dogs, presumably because they can't stand Fanny Sheldon's strange body shape. So Odd-bod and Disandildo may as well stay at home for the ISoccer hustings. Shame really. This Hack-hoon was looking forward to the ISoccers grilling the Gladiators. But I suppose it doesn't matter anymore...

So all in all, it's probably been a zero-gain-zero-loss day for Abz. What he'll lose in the lack of street team presence for the PakSoc Massive he'll probably make up for in ISoc members blindly following the words written in that hallowed endorsement email.