Shhhh! It was a secret

Today there were hustings for all SU candidates in our historic Old Theatre. Not that you would have known about it, because BeerCan neglected to tell anyone until the last minute, and even then he thought that writing the email in subtle pink and sky blue text would make us more likely to read it. It didn't.

Here's a run down of the most important and interesting action that you probably missed:

• Hallibut tells us that 'there's lots of Beaver getting wet on a Friday evening'. The Hack Attack wishes this was true: the average LSE student has 0.6 sexual partners a year. Hallet apologised for bringing down the average
• Wacky Wall proclaimed that he is officially 'Pro-crazyness!' This statement was later balanced after it was revealed that Wall is in fact an utter nutter
• Hallibut refuses to work for more than 5 days a week, because he needs the time at the weekend to learn Churchill and Marx quotes. The others lie to the whole room by saying they'd slave away for 7 days a week on a 5 day salery. The Hack Attack despises lies when are not in any way amusing
• The Fishy Welshman announced a policy to use one competant candidate and one health and safety officer to screw all LSE lightbulb, which must be energy efficient. Unfortunately, his chat was too energy intensive and resulted switching some voters off
• Doug 'what-a-mug' Oliver announced that he held some respect for all the GenSec candiadtes bar Hallibut. Dougster invited Andy to gain his respect by reciting the Comminist Manifesto cover-to-cover. The 16th Century Gentleman will now only agree to working 4 days a week to put in the hours to earn respect from A Mug
• Most of the non-exec candidates talked about committment, even though they all agreed that working 15 hours a week was the maximum they would be prepared to do