The street is on

The annual freak-show and shameless bribing for votes has begun in earnest.

By far the most sickening attempt at clinching a few votes is Shouty Welsh Fish-face's camp, who are tempting voters with locally grown apples, tagged with goody-goody policies that remind you of the annoying snitch from Year 4, such as 'let's stop global warming', 'let's end poverty', 'let's all be moral', 'let's all recycle', 'let's all love each other', 'let's all dance together with Mother Nature as she erotically licks our nipples.'

How about: 'Let's not, Aled...Let's not.'

Dozy O'Brien has reverted from getting her boobs and and is instead modelling a hat that looks like an ill pigeon shat on her head.

Disandildo is essentially strutting around being fit with all of her fit friends, groping men as they pass. Whilst this Hack-a-perve feels this an unfair advantage, it has also provided some light relief from Odd-bod's revolting rave posse gyrating in the face of an unsuspecting electorate. Odd-bod appears to have forgotten that the 90's ended over 8 years ago. To combat the other two, our very own Village Idiot has used his world-class wit and stuck an unattractive six-pack on his T-shirt, which he feels will get voters' attention: It does, Abz, but then they immediately turn away and empty their bowels in disgust.

The A-R race has been interesting, as it's Mariam Jam-for-brains and the entire of PakSoc vs. some white boy from Surry with an over-sized sign that he's pathetically coated in photocopies of his own campaign posters, making it look like a bunch of old newspapers that someone (presumably Abz) leaked on.

Expect more stunts and striving tomorrow.