Wannabes for flabb camp? Too late Buster! The nominations are....

So now you know why those social misfits and freaks that normally dive into the library shelving at the sight of you have suddenly been cheerily waving at you and shoving their sweaty palms against yours. Yes, if these symptoms sound familiar to you, take a look at the list. They on there? You probably don’t even know their name but rest assured they know yours and will get more desperate in your company as the days go on.

Nominations are in and a cute little fly on the wall has informed me of the list of people willing to gain twice their original bodyweight by doing a mundane job for the next year, while pretending to give a shit about our sad pathetic lives.

Gen Sec/ Fuhrer/ egotistical dickhead of the year honorary studentship

The Dilhole is back for more Fishy action where he vows to keep by his word. Like saying he was never going to flabb it up just over a year ago….and putting his heart into the Hamas cause (or Occupying cause, it is all so ironic and complicated nowadays)…how things change *sigh*.

Man of the people ‘Pete’ is trying to Dave Cameron himself up by taking valuable time from MassDebating and smiling at the plebs. Cushy job obviously not working out, he has taken the big step of licking the arses of students.

And then we have Chris ‘I work in the Tuns so must be fit’ Gully and Alfred ‘who the f**k’ Kovaci. The hacks are seething in their boots- why have these people got the temerity to stick their little dicks into the festival of Fuhrer fun. Britters-but-Shitters Beercan is now crying into his stained pink top and fondling his fake boobs to keep him happy. For he rubbed his genital areas and bared his beer-belly for the chance to whore himself for Fuhrer before chickening out. Who do these nobodies and, God forbid, normal students who still have an ounce of dignity think they are?

Treasurer;

Britters-but-Shitters Bacon has screeched into the Chancellor race last minute, barely having time to rip off his skirt and think about the sex appeal of digits. Obviously decided that he was too much of a serious candidate for GenSec, he thought he’d chill out a bit on that really fun and relaxed role of Treasurer. RC definitely looks for gyrating ability in his/her Moneyman.


Wetz Himself, on the other hand, has recovered from being gunked by FestyFuckley and Sephilis and is planning on charming his way into the Chancellor’s seat. The PissingPuppet for the Ali-Schmoozy’s evil plans, is the latest Medja Whore to lick the crevices of the student body.

And finally there is Sephilis, the Occupier who suspects that chilling in the Hub may be a little more comfortable than the festering chewing-gum infested interior of the Old Theatre. However stinky the Dilhole may be, it cannot be as bad a seeing Alan le ‘Devil first thing in the morning. And certainly, his ability to reproduce himself into up to four people on a good day to ‘attend’ simultaneous events on facebook shows real effort on his part to whore it up with ALL kinds of people.

Edwelfare;

No big surprises here. Apart from lack of cock.

Fuckley has gone joined HELLon Earth, Saddy KiddingMe, Eh-man-you-well and some randomer named Katy Prickhead for the TissueDispensing Flabb. Hurrah. Some real tits at last. Eh-man, that includes you. Beer-can, eat your heart out, the flabb effect is yet to come your way.

Comms;

The chance to miscommunicate couldn’t be further from thrillykins. Sleazy Deas has, shock of all shocks, declared. Rat Catcher is still recovering from the news.

Oddbod’s done a runner leaving Rob Low and some Dan Jason to contend with the sleaze. One word of warning. Never trust anyone with two first names. Allegedly (libel check complete!).