Fistings

Yesterday saw that time of year when all the future flabbaticals get on their knees in the Old Theatre and fellate the hacks and meeeeeeeeedja whores to the tune of 'love me, love me, I care' snore.
Yes my friends I'm talking about Fistings.

Gen Sex
Fishy started stuff off. nothing new there: blah blah fix the union blah blah why does my hair look like a lego mans?
Piss Gully apparently plays football. Knows nothing about the union or being Fuhrer.
Fart-on-me used his stellar mass debating skills to send everyone in the audience to sleep. After rimming Aled for a year no one knows why he's standing apart from that the job attracts douchebags.

Verdict: the Gay-you will come out in force but Fishy will clinch one more year. Mass debater will become disgraced military and end up in an asylum cursing the name Piss Gully.

Penny Pincher
Sephilis looks like a trumped up wank stain. Palestine, Politics, Penis he cried. Oh wait, he just said we need to spend some money. No shit Sherlock.
Wetshimself has 57 policies but the AU aint one. I guess Do-my-cunt was one beaver he didn't spend a long night in.
Not quite Kevin Sausage used it as an opportunity to say 'My name is James and I cannot stand up to MassDebater. Oh yeah and Fishy is a dick'

Verdict: Sheldog Jnr. will jizz all over them

Tissue Dispenser
Fuckley said she's fit and Eh-Man is shit. Tittie Tweaker would appreciate more tits please.
Eh-Man stuttered, he floundered, he had planted questions. Over managed campaign me thinks.
Melons shouldn't have fired Hallett from the Campaign team as she sadly did not have her baps out.

Verdict: too close to call, they're all a bit crap.

Great indoctrinator
Daniel 'Del-Boy' Jason. Three words. Who are ya?
Shorty got Low upset the hacks with the prospect that someone from the dark side could penetrate their inner circle but is essentially shit.
Sleazy Peas might as well have read out the communist manifesto. It would have been Kenrick-Lite if he'd bothered to mention the job.

Verdict: The Balcony bulldogs will chew Sleazy up and crown their new king.

maybe he was the one who plays football. if anyone knows the difference between Piss and Shorty answers on a postcard.

Part time arse kissers
not worth mentioning. Apart from Tom Jones doing something never seen before on the hacky stages. he told he truth.
Predictions: another fit bi girl for lgbt then rag victories all round for Wrong and Jones.