"A man who called Peter Sutherland a disgraced oil baron and Howard Davies a disgraced financial regulator just won 615 votes in the Comms race. This shows that LSE is changing. Education is not a commodity. LSE was set up as a centre for social progress. Student activism is alive.”
- Just-call-me-Mike "Easy Peasy Nice and Squeasy" Deas
What he really meant...
"I am a complete nutter. I went out of my way to make myself unelectable. I make Lenin look like Dan Sheldon. And yet still large numbers of LSE students voted for me. This shows there are a lot of other nutters at LSE, too. LSE was not set up to provide us with an education: it was clearly established to give us nutters a political platform"
- Charles Deas Esq. II, 2009
General Comrade of the Another Union Education is Possibly Not For Sale faction.
Friday, 6 March 2009
Gracious in defeat
Melons Robertos "I should have won. It’s unfair that the Sabbs are allowed to re-run, it puts them at an advantage." When asked about allegations that Ed Welfare was the dirtiest race, she “totally agrees, but I had nothing to do with it, and nor did Ruby.”
Scott "Andrew Williams II" MacDonald: “I wasn’t expecting that result. It proves ultimately that being a woman gives you an advantage. It’s a case of demographics over experience.”
Miaow.
Scott "Andrew Williams II" MacDonald: “I wasn’t expecting that result. It proves ultimately that being a woman gives you an advantage. It’s a case of demographics over experience.”
Miaow.
Thursday, 5 March 2009
Count night: a prediction
That it shall descend into violence. Close counts + alcohol + the prospect of having to actually look for a job? Volatile.
The Abortion&Hugs race in particular is getting vicious, with two make-me-gag candidates in particular trading accusations of malpractice.
The malpractice in question? That, in a cunning electioneering ruse, the other candidate has darn well gone and done their job! The swine! For both are current elected peeps, and both chose the election season to start doing things that they're meant to have done all year, very visibly, around halls. C'est electioneering, non? Or simply what they were originally elected to do?
And poor Grumpy Bear ThickWit, caught in the middle of the pair of them, trying to keep them from turning violent. This Hack Attacker says away with it! Wait until they're both drunk tonight and locked in a squeaky-bum tight re-count! Hack Fight!
And don't think nobody noticed the not-quite-quiet-enough sniping remarks between GenSec candidates at the UGM today.
GrumpyBear, who can see the online votes cast, says the Sabb races are all ridiculously tight, especially the GenSec race. Fisticuffs away!
The Abortion&Hugs race in particular is getting vicious, with two make-me-gag candidates in particular trading accusations of malpractice.
The malpractice in question? That, in a cunning electioneering ruse, the other candidate has darn well gone and done their job! The swine! For both are current elected peeps, and both chose the election season to start doing things that they're meant to have done all year, very visibly, around halls. C'est electioneering, non? Or simply what they were originally elected to do?
And poor Grumpy Bear ThickWit, caught in the middle of the pair of them, trying to keep them from turning violent. This Hack Attacker says away with it! Wait until they're both drunk tonight and locked in a squeaky-bum tight re-count! Hack Fight!
And don't think nobody noticed the not-quite-quiet-enough sniping remarks between GenSec candidates at the UGM today.
GrumpyBear, who can see the online votes cast, says the Sabb races are all ridiculously tight, especially the GenSec race. Fisticuffs away!
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
sound the trumpets strumpets
the circus is about to begin.
but what's that we hear? Fuckwit might shut the whole thing down? Rumor has it that Mass-debater hasn't been the only one sending out those illicit emails.
Now. Some Numb-Nuts may be sent off into the dizzy world we like to call the job market before thursday night for sending out emails beginning, 'Don't tell anyone about this because it's totally against the rules lol!' to the whole of the Sporting Spartans.
ut oh. Spaghetti o's.
but what's that we hear? Fuckwit might shut the whole thing down? Rumor has it that Mass-debater hasn't been the only one sending out those illicit emails.
Now. Some Numb-Nuts may be sent off into the dizzy world we like to call the job market before thursday night for sending out emails beginning, 'Don't tell anyone about this because it's totally against the rules lol!' to the whole of the Sporting Spartans.
ut oh. Spaghetti o's.
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
internet giggles a-go-go
so smelle dodd has provided today's laugh-a-day with this little gem on Fart-on-me's wall:
come now Fart-on, cheaters never prosper.Elle Dodd wrote at 00:01what happened to the facebook rebrand? Are you being reprimanded for cheating in the election?
I do like that the photo includes the phone that we can contact you on as instructed by your status - nice!
x
Tip that down your Gully
Hacks were quaking in their boots. The seasoned geeks had hopped off to Wankside for the annual freak-show, famously so rubbish that even the residents cannot be arsed to go down for free pizza.
They were not quaking because no-one was there. No, that voting malarkey and that whole pretending to give a s*** and stuff is so overrated and is a right pain.
What got the fruitcakes a little on edge was that Gully, to use a quote from a stander-by ‘absolutely pissed all over them [other candidates, of course…].’ Uh-oh. The hacky hegemony could be coming to an end. He wooed the audience with his raving rants and lived up to his lowly name by tipping alcohol down his Gully. Fishy thought he’d add to his bad smell by tipping his drink down himself- the things people will do to win a game!
Fishcake looked worn and grumbled a lot. The only thing to put a smile on his face was Barmy Barton’s quick meander off the path of trigger happy IR department emails for a moment to create a novel idea. Barmy wanted to introduce a new position of post-grad officer. Down your Gully followed suit, licking Barmy’s GenSecular area by simpering his congratulations of thinking up such a novel idea. It certainly would be a very good idea to have something as new and obvious as a post-grad officer. Rat Catcher looks forward to the part-time exec hustings. Barmy will be so pleased that his great ideas are being implemented so quickly, and he hasn’t even won yet- the LSESU is so efficient these days.
They were not quaking because no-one was there. No, that voting malarkey and that whole pretending to give a s*** and stuff is so overrated and is a right pain.
What got the fruitcakes a little on edge was that Gully, to use a quote from a stander-by ‘absolutely pissed all over them [other candidates, of course…].’ Uh-oh. The hacky hegemony could be coming to an end. He wooed the audience with his raving rants and lived up to his lowly name by tipping alcohol down his Gully. Fishy thought he’d add to his bad smell by tipping his drink down himself- the things people will do to win a game!
Fishcake looked worn and grumbled a lot. The only thing to put a smile on his face was Barmy Barton’s quick meander off the path of trigger happy IR department emails for a moment to create a novel idea. Barmy wanted to introduce a new position of post-grad officer. Down your Gully followed suit, licking Barmy’s GenSecular area by simpering his congratulations of thinking up such a novel idea. It certainly would be a very good idea to have something as new and obvious as a post-grad officer. Rat Catcher looks forward to the part-time exec hustings. Barmy will be so pleased that his great ideas are being implemented so quickly, and he hasn’t even won yet- the LSESU is so efficient these days.
Monday, 2 March 2009
Some endorsements...
Society endorsements are trickling through. Notably, Fishy Dildo hasn't quite done enough to piss off PalSoc, and gets the #1, while MassDebater gets #2. He has however done enough to piss off LGBT, where Barton picks up #1. Presumably because Dildo GAGGED and Barton swallowed.
Sunday, 1 March 2009
is there anyone alive out there?
seen as the strong fist of censorship has come crashing down on us it's time to reflect on some non election candidates.
This time last year HA was giggling it's way through the 'intrigues' that were FaridnButboy's dodgy Paksoc dealings. 'I'll catch you in my net Fishy' he wailed through the Quad...
Good work Butboy. You showed him.
the only one that actually bought any hilarity or electoral success was the rise and fall of Beaker to the giddy heights of disgraced c&s chair. Oh and Jamjar not knowing what the BNP was. but oh well.
I guess it was lonely at the top as there seems to be nothing but a Foreign Legion Officer candidate this year. Come on lads, let's see some wheeling and dealing. there's still time!
Beaker for Gensec!
This time last year HA was giggling it's way through the 'intrigues' that were FaridnButboy's dodgy Paksoc dealings. 'I'll catch you in my net Fishy' he wailed through the Quad...
Good work Butboy. You showed him.
the only one that actually bought any hilarity or electoral success was the rise and fall of Beaker to the giddy heights of disgraced c&s chair. Oh and Jamjar not knowing what the BNP was. but oh well.
I guess it was lonely at the top as there seems to be nothing but a Foreign Legion Officer candidate this year. Come on lads, let's see some wheeling and dealing. there's still time!
Beaker for Gensec!
Inter exec relations take 2
When is negative campaigning not negative campaigning?
Apparently when you are free to comment. so let's have a little comment on the sexploits of the normally asexual election candidates
Overheard in the Quad:
Hell-on-earth sounding off to Fuckley and Cookie Monster that Eh-man's butt boy Cole 'couldn't organise a piss-up in a postgrad' Ryan is trying the old sleeping with the enemy tactics. All we have to say is eurghhh.
Apparently when you are free to comment. so let's have a little comment on the sexploits of the normally asexual election candidates
Overheard in the Quad:
Hell-on-earth sounding off to Fuckley and Cookie Monster that Eh-man's butt boy Cole 'couldn't organise a piss-up in a postgrad' Ryan is trying the old sleeping with the enemy tactics. All we have to say is eurghhh.
Saturday, 28 February 2009
Friday, 27 February 2009
Guess who's back...
Have no fear, for the sovereign is here. I've just got back from a refreshing twelve month holiday in Scunthorpe, the only town in North Lincolnshire that can't make it through a swear filter. Had a great time, apart from the three lads I had to share the Caravan with. Welsh one was the worst!
I see that things have changed quite a bit since last year. The Pally Stain - Is Real conflict has come to an amicable conclusion, Jimmy 'Bacon' is now a serious political force and we have a whole host of excellent election candidates with well thought out and innovative policy agendas, ready to serve students. Aaaah, the winds of change have blown, just as GAGGED promised! Or perhaps that's just the effects of GAGGED eating too many of Smeldon's beans.
Is it just me, or have we reached new Lows this year? The barrel, which we have been scraping for the past few years, has now been licked out more times than a Miss LSE candidate. Hacks who, in years gone by, would have struggled to hitch a ride on the C&S ragcart are now flying Business Class all the way to Sabbsville. The barrel is now little more than a pile of wood, which would be set on fire if any LSE students could be arsed enough. Come back Faddy-Hill, all is forgiven!
Amongst the most dregworthy of this year's candidates is Benedict 'I'm a weirdo' Sarhangian, a candidate in the GAGGED 'Shit' GAGGED Memorial Officer race. A quick glance at his Facebook profile highlights his stunning intellect ('Benedict is a cunt, and cant stop copying efe, and totally in love with tom birtwhistle, who is actually a massive cunt.'), a canny knack for campaign slogans ('Yeah man, racism is whack, vote for me') and a deep commitment to the SU's equal ops policy ('About me: ask your girl'). What a charming fellow. I think he's pitching himself somewhere between a Terminator Version of GAGGED and Dizzie Rascal. Sadly he doesn't quite pull it off and ends up acting weirder than Luke SpyroTheDragon on an acid trip. Next!
Ben 'Nora' Jones said a naughty word in his speech, which caused a bit of a stir, and not just in all the girl's knickers! Truth be told, he was a little drunk during the 2PM hustings. What a lad! This Hack is definitely voting for him now for this alone. Sadly, he also spent a good 24 hours wearing mascara around School so he could explain to everyone who asked how he'd just got back from modelling at London Fashion Week. What a guy!
PARAGRAPH GAGGED
That's it for now. Complaints to su.returningofficer@lse.ac.uk please.
I see that things have changed quite a bit since last year. The Pally Stain - Is Real conflict has come to an amicable conclusion, Jimmy 'Bacon' is now a serious political force and we have a whole host of excellent election candidates with well thought out and innovative policy agendas, ready to serve students. Aaaah, the winds of change have blown, just as GAGGED promised! Or perhaps that's just the effects of GAGGED eating too many of Smeldon's beans.
Is it just me, or have we reached new Lows this year? The barrel, which we have been scraping for the past few years, has now been licked out more times than a Miss LSE candidate. Hacks who, in years gone by, would have struggled to hitch a ride on the C&S ragcart are now flying Business Class all the way to Sabbsville. The barrel is now little more than a pile of wood, which would be set on fire if any LSE students could be arsed enough. Come back Faddy-Hill, all is forgiven!
Amongst the most dregworthy of this year's candidates is Benedict 'I'm a weirdo' Sarhangian, a candidate in the GAGGED 'Shit' GAGGED Memorial Officer race. A quick glance at his Facebook profile highlights his stunning intellect ('Benedict is a cunt, and cant stop copying efe, and totally in love with tom birtwhistle, who is actually a massive cunt.'), a canny knack for campaign slogans ('Yeah man, racism is whack, vote for me') and a deep commitment to the SU's equal ops policy ('About me: ask your girl'). What a charming fellow. I think he's pitching himself somewhere between a Terminator Version of GAGGED and Dizzie Rascal. Sadly he doesn't quite pull it off and ends up acting weirder than Luke SpyroTheDragon on an acid trip. Next!
Ben 'Nora' Jones said a naughty word in his speech, which caused a bit of a stir, and not just in all the girl's knickers! Truth be told, he was a little drunk during the 2PM hustings. What a lad! This Hack is definitely voting for him now for this alone. Sadly, he also spent a good 24 hours wearing mascara around School so he could explain to everyone who asked how he'd just got back from modelling at London Fashion Week. What a guy!
That's it for now. Complaints to su.returningofficer@lse.ac.uk please.
Bacon. Smoked.
Like a catholic who doesn't want to get his good lady wife pregnant, Bacon has pulled out of the Treasurer race early.
Claims so far are that 'the Union's going to shit anyway, and there's not much we can do', he wants to get away from LSE, whoever wins will just be coming in to keep expensive seats warm, and he would have not taken the job if Fishy Dildo had won GenSec. Miaow.
He leaves the race for Treasurer a straight personality-off between Wetz-himself and Sephillis, and gone are the joys of agonising over 2nd preference votes. Boo.
(Facebook group members update: Sephillis 64; Wetz-himself 94. Surely only a matter of time before MORI start using this)
Claims so far are that 'the Union's going to shit anyway, and there's not much we can do', he wants to get away from LSE, whoever wins will just be coming in to keep expensive seats warm, and he would have not taken the job if Fishy Dildo had won GenSec. Miaow.
He leaves the race for Treasurer a straight personality-off between Wetz-himself and Sephillis, and gone are the joys of agonising over 2nd preference votes. Boo.
(Facebook group members update: Sephillis 64; Wetz-himself 94. Surely only a matter of time before MORI start using this)
Fistings
Yesterday saw that time of year when all the future flabbaticals get on their knees in the Old Theatre and fellate the hacks and meeeeeeeeedja whores to the tune of 'love me, love me, I care' snore.
Yes my friends I'm talking about Fistings.
Gen Sex
Fishy started stuff off. nothing new there: blah blah fix the union blah blah why does my hair look like a lego mans?
Piss Gully apparently plays football. Knows nothing about the union or being Fuhrer.
Fart-on-me used his stellar mass debating skills to send everyone in the audience to sleep. After rimming Aled for a year no one knows why he's standing apart from that the job attracts douchebags.
Verdict: the Gay-you will come out in force but Fishy will clinch one more year. Mass debater will become disgraced military and end up in an asylum cursing the name Piss Gully.
Penny Pincher
Sephilis looks like a trumped up wank stain. Palestine, Politics, Penis he cried. Oh wait, he just said we need to spend some money. No shit Sherlock.
Wetshimself has 57 policies but the AU aint one. I guess Do-my-cunt was one beaver he didn't spend a long night in.
Not quite Kevin Sausage used it as an opportunity to say 'My name is James and I cannot stand up to MassDebater. Oh yeah and Fishy is a dick'
Verdict: Sheldog Jnr. will jizz all over them
Tissue Dispenser
Fuckley said she's fit and Eh-Man is shit. Tittie Tweaker would appreciate more tits please.
Eh-Man stuttered, he floundered, he had planted questions. Over managed campaign me thinks.
Melons shouldn't have fired Hallett from the Campaign team as she sadly did not have her baps out.
Verdict: too close to call, they're all a bit crap.
Great indoctrinator
Daniel 'Del-Boy' Jason. Three words. Who are ya?
Shorty got Low upset the hacks with the prospect that someone from the dark side could penetrate their inner circle but is essentially shit.
Sleazy Peas might as well have read out the communist manifesto. It would have been Kenrick-Lite if he'd bothered to mention the job.
Verdict: The Balcony bulldogs will chew Sleazy up and crown their new king.
maybe he was the one who plays football. if anyone knows the difference between Piss and Shorty answers on a postcard.
Part time arse kissers
not worth mentioning. Apart from Tom Jones doing something never seen before on the hacky stages. he told he truth.
Predictions: another fit bi girl for lgbt then rag victories all round for Wrong and Jones.
Yes my friends I'm talking about Fistings.
Gen Sex
Fishy started stuff off. nothing new there: blah blah fix the union blah blah why does my hair look like a lego mans?
Piss Gully apparently plays football. Knows nothing about the union or being Fuhrer.
Fart-on-me used his stellar mass debating skills to send everyone in the audience to sleep. After rimming Aled for a year no one knows why he's standing apart from that the job attracts douchebags.
Verdict: the Gay-you will come out in force but Fishy will clinch one more year. Mass debater will become disgraced military and end up in an asylum cursing the name Piss Gully.
Penny Pincher
Sephilis looks like a trumped up wank stain. Palestine, Politics, Penis he cried. Oh wait, he just said we need to spend some money. No shit Sherlock.
Wetshimself has 57 policies but the AU aint one. I guess Do-my-cunt was one beaver he didn't spend a long night in.
Not quite Kevin Sausage used it as an opportunity to say 'My name is James and I cannot stand up to MassDebater. Oh yeah and Fishy is a dick'
Verdict: Sheldog Jnr. will jizz all over them
Tissue Dispenser
Fuckley said she's fit and Eh-Man is shit. Tittie Tweaker would appreciate more tits please.
Eh-Man stuttered, he floundered, he had planted questions. Over managed campaign me thinks.
Melons shouldn't have fired Hallett from the Campaign team as she sadly did not have her baps out.
Verdict: too close to call, they're all a bit crap.
Great indoctrinator
Daniel 'Del-Boy' Jason. Three words. Who are ya?
Shorty got Low upset the hacks with the prospect that someone from the dark side could penetrate their inner circle but is essentially shit.
Sleazy Peas might as well have read out the communist manifesto. It would have been Kenrick-Lite if he'd bothered to mention the job.
Verdict: The Balcony bulldogs will chew Sleazy up and crown their new king.
maybe he was the one who plays football. if anyone knows the difference between Piss and Shorty answers on a postcard.
Part time arse kissers
not worth mentioning. Apart from Tom Jones doing something never seen before on the hacky stages. he told he truth.
Predictions: another fit bi girl for lgbt then rag victories all round for Wrong and Jones.
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