The 3rd Annual Hack Attack Awards

Winners in bold.

The Luke I am Your Father Award - not awarded on the night due to technical difficulties

• Suraj “Awesome” Gurjaskanker – Fadhil Bakeer Markar Jnr.
• Jack “The Machine” Tindale – Andy Hallett/Simon from Alpha Books
• Mohammed “Triple M” Morley – Ziyaad Lunat
• Ollie “Peter” Townsend – The Gruffalo
• Adam Connell – Sheldon c. 2005

Creepiest Candidate Award

• Scott “I’m Loving It” McDonald
• Nik ADHDia
• Ollie “Missing Link” Townsend
• Chris “I have a lovely leather jacket” O’Brien

The Leathal Weapon “I’m too old for this shit” Award - not awarded due to killjoys

• Sam “STD” Tempest-Keeping
• Ollie Tunsend - is he actually a 3^rd year?
• Dan “Mandelson” Sheldon
• Jonathan Frewin – Treasurer from 1999
• Aled “Dildo” Fisher – five years and going strong
• Fadhil “Brains” Bakeer-Markar

Worst/Best Slogan Award - not awarded due to killjoys

• Wright Choice – Andrew Wright
• “Have it your way” – Paul Rees Jones
• A-Shok to the system – Ashok Kumar
• Glyn-it Bang – Charlie Glyn
• SU-raj
  
• Lez Save the World – Annais Nourry

Worst Video / Most Beyonce Copyright Infringement - Worst. Video. Ever.

• Charlie Glyn’s Bob Dylan
  Charlotte Calling – cringeworthy
• Vote no to 2, 3 and 9… I mean 4,6,9 ….. 5,7,10
• Andrew Wright/Nik Adhia’s Nike Advert - taken down due to copyright infringement! Booo!

Arthur Krebbers Memorial Award for Most Shameless Act

• Rob Charred-Cock’s fake run
• Scott “Supersize” MacDonland signing the Islamic Society letter re: Pankhurst
• Ollie Townsend’s pander to the left
• Michael “Yale” Lok – no shame
• Andrew “Doing it for the fit” Wright – for starting his campaign in the womb

Most inflated CV Award - not awarded due to killjoys

• Andrew “5^th Sabb” Wright
• “Dick” Adhia – Experience you can trust
• Ashok “to the cistern” Kumar
  

Worst Photo - technical difficulties again

• STK’s
• Andrew “Ian” Wright
• Paul Rees Jones’ Year 6 School picture
• Ollie “I didn’t touch your children” Townsend

The Who the Fuck are You Award - not awarded due to killjoys

• Muhammed Sadiq
• Katya “Doing it for the fit” Korniolva
• Adam “Sheldon” Connell
  Dan “5000 votes strong” Kacinski
  

The Steve Wall “What The Fuck” Award - not awarded... you know the score.

• Dan “Yes, him again” Kucinski
• Shanti “Mumsnet” Keleman
• Tindale’s One Armed Plank
• Talib for AU Pres – “I don’t drink”
• James Sausage’s pole dancing girlfriend
• B “Nutter” for Democracy – Yellow trousers, ketamine and fags. (as per last year)

Best Complaint Award

• Complaint to Pulse for alleging Hero has a substance abuse problem
  

The Andy Hallett Memorial Laziest Candidate Award

• Jack Tindale
• Bennedict “Ket & Fags”
• STK
• Hack Attack itself
  

Joel Kenrick Memorial Speech Of The Year Award

• Reagan’s speech to Islamic Society
• Michael Lok’s “I’m power hungry”
• Ben Grabiner at Pal Soc
• Mo Morley, Mo Problems – Chinny chin chin
• Dan Kac-chumpsky
  

James Sausage Memorial Killjoy of the Year Award (Formerly known as the James Ketteringham Killjoy of the Year Award)

• Whoever wrote that fucking election night schedule
• Whoever objected to banana munching at LGBT hustings
• James “Britney” Sausage
• Jessie “20, from East London” Robinson – banning the Sun
  

The “Hack Attack Pities You” Award

• Shibhani “Mahtani – still going out with Seph Brown
• Scott “Big Mac” MacDonald
• Emma Clewer Womens’ Officer candidate – has a phobia of chalk
• Chris O-C Biscuit

The Unfair Advantage Award

• Hero’s name

Hack Attack’s Hack of the Year - prize of tea & biscuits left uncollected in Quad

• Jack Tindale for:
• One armed plank
• Comments like ‘awesome-o’, ‘clique of one’, ‘internships give you cancer’, ‘for those of you who give a toss… quite literally’, ‘question for the woman on top’
• Tindale inviting returning officers into his room at Bankside

Special Mention to Michael Lok - prize of monkey nuts left uncollected in Quad.

Thank you & goodnight.