Winners in bold.
The Luke I am Your Father Award - not awarded on the night due to technical difficulties
- Suraj “Awesome” Gurjaskanker – Fadhil Bakeer Markar Jnr.
- Jack “The Machine” Tindale – Andy Hallett/Simon from Alpha Books
- Mohammed “Triple M” Morley – Ziyaad Lunat
- Ollie “Peter” Townsend – The Gruffalo
- Adam Connell – Sheldon c. 2005
Creepiest Candidate Award
- Scott “I’m Loving It” McDonald
- Nik ADHDia
- Ollie “Missing Link” Townsend
- Chris “I have a lovely leather jacket” O’Brien
The Leathal Weapon “I’m too old for this shit” Award - not awarded due to killjoys
- Sam “STD” Tempest-Keeping
- Ollie Tunsend - is he actually a 3rd year?
- Dan “Mandelson” Sheldon
- Jonathan Frewin – Treasurer from 1999
- Aled “Dildo” Fisher – five years and going strong
- Fadhil “Brains” Bakeer-Markar
Worst/Best Slogan Award - not awarded due to killjoys
- Wright Choice – Andrew Wright
- “Have it your way” – Paul Rees Jones
- A-Shok to the system – Ashok Kumar
- Glyn-it Bang – Charlie Glyn
- SU-raj
- Lez Save the World – Annais Nourry
Worst Video / Most Beyonce Copyright Infringement - Worst. Video. Ever.
Arthur Krebbers Memorial Award for Most Shameless Act
- Rob Charred-Cock’s fake run
- Scott “Supersize” MacDonland signing the Islamic Society letter re: Pankhurst
- Ollie Townsend’s pander to the left
- Michael “Yale” Lok – no shame
- Andrew “Doing it for the fit” Wright – for starting his campaign in the womb
Most inflated CV Award - not awarded due to killjoys
- Andrew “5th Sabb” Wright
- “Dick” Adhia – Experience you can trust
- Ashok “to the cistern” Kumar
Worst Photo - technical difficulties again
- STK’s
- Andrew “Ian” Wright
- Paul Rees Jones’ Year 6 School picture
- Ollie “I didn’t touch your children” Townsend
The Who the Fuck are You Award - not awarded due to killjoys
- Muhammed Sadiq
- Katya “Doing it for the fit” Korniolva
- Adam “Sheldon” Connell
Dan “5000 votes strong” Kacinski
The Steve Wall “What The Fuck” Award - not awarded... you know the score.
- Dan “Yes, him again” Kucinski
- Shanti “Mumsnet” Keleman
- Tindale’s One Armed Plank
- Talib for AU Pres – “I don’t drink”
- James Sausage’s pole dancing girlfriend
- B “Nutter” for Democracy – Yellow trousers, ketamine and fags. (as per last year)
Best Complaint Award
- Complaint to Pulse for alleging Hero has a substance abuse problem
The Andy Hallett Memorial Laziest Candidate Award
- Jack Tindale
- Bennedict “Ket & Fags”
- STK
- Hack Attack itself
Joel Kenrick Memorial Speech Of The Year Award
- Reagan’s speech to Islamic Society
- Michael Lok’s “I’m power hungry”
- Ben Grabiner at Pal Soc
- Mo Morley, Mo Problems – Chinny chin chin
- Dan Kac-chumpsky
James Sausage Memorial Killjoy of the Year Award (Formerly known as the James Ketteringham Killjoy of the Year Award)
- Whoever wrote that fucking election night schedule
- Whoever objected to banana munching at LGBT hustings
- James “Britney” Sausage
- Jessie “20, from East London” Robinson – banning the Sun
The “Hack Attack Pities You” Award
- Shibhani “Mahtani – still going out with Seph Brown
- Scott “Big Mac” MacDonald
- Emma Clewer Womens’ Officer candidate – has a phobia of chalk
- Chris O-C Biscuit
The Unfair Advantage Award
Hack Attack’s Hack of the Year - prize of tea & biscuits left uncollected in Quad
- Jack Tindale for:
- One armed plank
- Comments like ‘awesome-o’, ‘clique of one’, ‘internships give you cancer’, ‘for those of you who give a toss… quite literally’, ‘question for the woman on top’
- Tindale inviting returning officers into his room at Bankside
Special Mention to Michael Lok - prize of monkey nuts left uncollected in Quad.
Thank you & goodnight.
Morley - Lunat
Tindale - Hallett
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