Tuesday 10 March 2009
Friday 6 March 2009
Those Hack Attack Awards in full...
The Look-a-Like Award
1. Michael Deas - A homeless man
2. Chris Gully’s Hair – Like Andy Hallet
3. Helen Roberts – Vicky Pollard
4. George Wetz – Nicolas Holt
5. Aled Fisher – Lego man hair cut
Worst Slogan Award
1. Un-Lok-ing Barriers – Michael Lok
2. Your mum would vote for me. – Chris Westgarth
3. In Rob We Trust – Robin Low
4. Women not Profit – Anna kobbablahblah
5. Internationally yours – Suraj
6. Not a racist (unused) – Ben Jones
Arthur Krebbers Memorial Award for Most Shameless Act
1. Sausage – It’s Britney Bitch
2. Barton emailing the whole IR Dept. and putting his face on money
3. Emmanual and Helen – Halls Emails/Safety Booklet
4. Seph Brown brown-nosing – Brown’s Brownies
Best/Worst Pun
1. “The only Brown you can trust with you money – Brown
2. “Vote for Ruby, touch her booby!” – Ruby Buckley
3. “Let’s talk about Wetz baby, let’s talk about you & me” - Wetz
Worst Designed Campaign Material
1. Sausage’s ad-hoc posters
2. Gully’s Lol-cats
Shadiest Deal Award
1. Dan Sheldon’s fake run
2. The 'Sausage-Barton Pact'
The Steve Wall “What The Fuck” Award
1. Aled winning Jewish/Israel Soc vote
2. James Sausage
3. Halls hustings
4. B Anti-Racism – Yellow trousers, ketamine and fags.
The Andy Hallett Memorial Laziest Candidate Award
1. Alfred Kovaci
2. Joe Coney
3. Daniel Jasons
4. Emmanuel
5 Gully – For bringing out his t-shirts from the dye too quick so it looked like hippy 70’s “tie-dye”
Fittest Campaign Team
1. Wetz
2. Rub
3. Helen
Joel Kenrick Memorial Speech Of The Year Award
1. Deas – “When this School was founded in 1859…”
2. Aled – “I’m queer…” to LGBT
Comment of the Year Award
1. Ben Jones “Seph Brown was a shit Anti-Racism Officer”
2. Seph Brown “The global Ummah”
3. Wetz "Whether it’s long nights inside the Beaver…” (with hand motion)
James Ketteringham Memorial Killjoy of the Year Award
1. Arther Lo and Prakhar – Hack Attack 2
2. Sausage (again) – general behaviour
Best Hack Attack Alias
1. Peter Fart-on/Mass-debater/Peter Bar-tab
2. Sephillis
3. Eh-man-you-well?
4. Ossie Fuckwit
Best Campaign Moment
1. None, ‘cos it was shit
2. The looks on Seph’s face when he saw the bean tin.
Worst Colour Clash
1. All those in yellow
2. All those in orange
Voters’ Turn-off award
1. “Big” Ed from Gully’s Campaign – just NO
2. Seph Brown’s fuzzy bum-fluff
The “Hack Attack Pities You” Award
1. Seph Brown – 58 crap rhymes to vote Brown
2. James Sausage
1. Michael Deas - A homeless man
2. Chris Gully’s Hair – Like Andy Hallet
3. Helen Roberts – Vicky Pollard
4. George Wetz – Nicolas Holt
5. Aled Fisher – Lego man hair cut
Worst Slogan Award
1. Un-Lok-ing Barriers – Michael Lok
2. Your mum would vote for me. – Chris Westgarth
3. In Rob We Trust – Robin Low
4. Women not Profit – Anna kobbablahblah
5. Internationally yours – Suraj
6. Not a racist (unused) – Ben Jones
Arthur Krebbers Memorial Award for Most Shameless Act
1. Sausage – It’s Britney Bitch
2. Barton emailing the whole IR Dept. and putting his face on money
3. Emmanual and Helen – Halls Emails/Safety Booklet
4. Seph Brown brown-nosing – Brown’s Brownies
Best/Worst Pun
1. “The only Brown you can trust with you money – Brown
2. “Vote for Ruby, touch her booby!” – Ruby Buckley
3. “Let’s talk about Wetz baby, let’s talk about you & me” - Wetz
Worst Designed Campaign Material
1. Sausage’s ad-hoc posters
2. Gully’s Lol-cats
Shadiest Deal Award
1. Dan Sheldon’s fake run
2. The 'Sausage-Barton Pact'
The Steve Wall “What The Fuck” Award
1. Aled winning Jewish/Israel Soc vote
2. James Sausage
3. Halls hustings
4. B Anti-Racism – Yellow trousers, ketamine and fags.
The Andy Hallett Memorial Laziest Candidate Award
1. Alfred Kovaci
2. Joe Coney
3. Daniel Jasons
4. Emmanuel
5 Gully – For bringing out his t-shirts from the dye too quick so it looked like hippy 70’s “tie-dye”
Fittest Campaign Team
1. Wetz
2. Rub
3. Helen
Joel Kenrick Memorial Speech Of The Year Award
1. Deas – “When this School was founded in 1859…”
2. Aled – “I’m queer…” to LGBT
Comment of the Year Award
1. Ben Jones “Seph Brown was a shit Anti-Racism Officer”
2. Seph Brown “The global Ummah”
3. Wetz "Whether it’s long nights inside the Beaver…” (with hand motion)
James Ketteringham Memorial Killjoy of the Year Award
1. Arther Lo and Prakhar – Hack Attack 2
2. Sausage (again) – general behaviour
Best Hack Attack Alias
1. Peter Fart-on/Mass-debater/Peter Bar-tab
2. Sephillis
3. Eh-man-you-well?
4. Ossie Fuckwit
Best Campaign Moment
1. None, ‘cos it was shit
2. The looks on Seph’s face when he saw the bean tin.
Worst Colour Clash
1. All those in yellow
2. All those in orange
Voters’ Turn-off award
1. “Big” Ed from Gully’s Campaign – just NO
2. Seph Brown’s fuzzy bum-fluff
The “Hack Attack Pities You” Award
1. Seph Brown – 58 crap rhymes to vote Brown
2. James Sausage
Charles "Mikey" Deas translated
"A man who called Peter Sutherland a disgraced oil baron and Howard Davies a disgraced financial regulator just won 615 votes in the Comms race. This shows that LSE is changing. Education is not a commodity. LSE was set up as a centre for social progress. Student activism is alive.”
- Just-call-me-Mike "Easy Peasy Nice and Squeasy" Deas
What he really meant...
"I am a complete nutter. I went out of my way to make myself unelectable. I make Lenin look like Dan Sheldon. And yet still large numbers of LSE students voted for me. This shows there are a lot of other nutters at LSE, too. LSE was not set up to provide us with an education: it was clearly established to give us nutters a political platform"
- Charles Deas Esq. II, 2009
General Comrade of the Another Union Education is Possibly Not For Sale faction.
- Just-call-me-Mike "Easy Peasy Nice and Squeasy" Deas
What he really meant...
"I am a complete nutter. I went out of my way to make myself unelectable. I make Lenin look like Dan Sheldon. And yet still large numbers of LSE students voted for me. This shows there are a lot of other nutters at LSE, too. LSE was not set up to provide us with an education: it was clearly established to give us nutters a political platform"
- Charles Deas Esq. II, 2009
General Comrade of the Another Union Education is Possibly Not For Sale faction.
Gracious in defeat
Melons Robertos "I should have won. It’s unfair that the Sabbs are allowed to re-run, it puts them at an advantage." When asked about allegations that Ed Welfare was the dirtiest race, she “totally agrees, but I had nothing to do with it, and nor did Ruby.”
Scott "Andrew Williams II" MacDonald: “I wasn’t expecting that result. It proves ultimately that being a woman gives you an advantage. It’s a case of demographics over experience.”
Miaow.
Scott "Andrew Williams II" MacDonald: “I wasn’t expecting that result. It proves ultimately that being a woman gives you an advantage. It’s a case of demographics over experience.”
Miaow.
Thursday 5 March 2009
Count night: a prediction
That it shall descend into violence. Close counts + alcohol + the prospect of having to actually look for a job? Volatile.
The Abortion&Hugs race in particular is getting vicious, with two make-me-gag candidates in particular trading accusations of malpractice.
The malpractice in question? That, in a cunning electioneering ruse, the other candidate has darn well gone and done their job! The swine! For both are current elected peeps, and both chose the election season to start doing things that they're meant to have done all year, very visibly, around halls. C'est electioneering, non? Or simply what they were originally elected to do?
And poor Grumpy Bear ThickWit, caught in the middle of the pair of them, trying to keep them from turning violent. This Hack Attacker says away with it! Wait until they're both drunk tonight and locked in a squeaky-bum tight re-count! Hack Fight!
And don't think nobody noticed the not-quite-quiet-enough sniping remarks between GenSec candidates at the UGM today.
GrumpyBear, who can see the online votes cast, says the Sabb races are all ridiculously tight, especially the GenSec race. Fisticuffs away!
The Abortion&Hugs race in particular is getting vicious, with two make-me-gag candidates in particular trading accusations of malpractice.
The malpractice in question? That, in a cunning electioneering ruse, the other candidate has darn well gone and done their job! The swine! For both are current elected peeps, and both chose the election season to start doing things that they're meant to have done all year, very visibly, around halls. C'est electioneering, non? Or simply what they were originally elected to do?
And poor Grumpy Bear ThickWit, caught in the middle of the pair of them, trying to keep them from turning violent. This Hack Attacker says away with it! Wait until they're both drunk tonight and locked in a squeaky-bum tight re-count! Hack Fight!
And don't think nobody noticed the not-quite-quiet-enough sniping remarks between GenSec candidates at the UGM today.
GrumpyBear, who can see the online votes cast, says the Sabb races are all ridiculously tight, especially the GenSec race. Fisticuffs away!
Wednesday 4 March 2009
sound the trumpets strumpets
the circus is about to begin.
but what's that we hear? Fuckwit might shut the whole thing down? Rumor has it that Mass-debater hasn't been the only one sending out those illicit emails.
Now. Some Numb-Nuts may be sent off into the dizzy world we like to call the job market before thursday night for sending out emails beginning, 'Don't tell anyone about this because it's totally against the rules lol!' to the whole of the Sporting Spartans.
ut oh. Spaghetti o's.
but what's that we hear? Fuckwit might shut the whole thing down? Rumor has it that Mass-debater hasn't been the only one sending out those illicit emails.
Now. Some Numb-Nuts may be sent off into the dizzy world we like to call the job market before thursday night for sending out emails beginning, 'Don't tell anyone about this because it's totally against the rules lol!' to the whole of the Sporting Spartans.
ut oh. Spaghetti o's.
Tuesday 3 March 2009
internet giggles a-go-go
so smelle dodd has provided today's laugh-a-day with this little gem on Fart-on-me's wall:
come now Fart-on, cheaters never prosper.Elle Dodd wrote at 00:01what happened to the facebook rebrand? Are you being reprimanded for cheating in the election?
I do like that the photo includes the phone that we can contact you on as instructed by your status - nice!
x
Tip that down your Gully
Hacks were quaking in their boots. The seasoned geeks had hopped off to Wankside for the annual freak-show, famously so rubbish that even the residents cannot be arsed to go down for free pizza.
They were not quaking because no-one was there. No, that voting malarkey and that whole pretending to give a s*** and stuff is so overrated and is a right pain.
What got the fruitcakes a little on edge was that Gully, to use a quote from a stander-by ‘absolutely pissed all over them [other candidates, of course…].’ Uh-oh. The hacky hegemony could be coming to an end. He wooed the audience with his raving rants and lived up to his lowly name by tipping alcohol down his Gully. Fishy thought he’d add to his bad smell by tipping his drink down himself- the things people will do to win a game!
Fishcake looked worn and grumbled a lot. The only thing to put a smile on his face was Barmy Barton’s quick meander off the path of trigger happy IR department emails for a moment to create a novel idea. Barmy wanted to introduce a new position of post-grad officer. Down your Gully followed suit, licking Barmy’s GenSecular area by simpering his congratulations of thinking up such a novel idea. It certainly would be a very good idea to have something as new and obvious as a post-grad officer. Rat Catcher looks forward to the part-time exec hustings. Barmy will be so pleased that his great ideas are being implemented so quickly, and he hasn’t even won yet- the LSESU is so efficient these days.
They were not quaking because no-one was there. No, that voting malarkey and that whole pretending to give a s*** and stuff is so overrated and is a right pain.
What got the fruitcakes a little on edge was that Gully, to use a quote from a stander-by ‘absolutely pissed all over them [other candidates, of course…].’ Uh-oh. The hacky hegemony could be coming to an end. He wooed the audience with his raving rants and lived up to his lowly name by tipping alcohol down his Gully. Fishy thought he’d add to his bad smell by tipping his drink down himself- the things people will do to win a game!
Fishcake looked worn and grumbled a lot. The only thing to put a smile on his face was Barmy Barton’s quick meander off the path of trigger happy IR department emails for a moment to create a novel idea. Barmy wanted to introduce a new position of post-grad officer. Down your Gully followed suit, licking Barmy’s GenSecular area by simpering his congratulations of thinking up such a novel idea. It certainly would be a very good idea to have something as new and obvious as a post-grad officer. Rat Catcher looks forward to the part-time exec hustings. Barmy will be so pleased that his great ideas are being implemented so quickly, and he hasn’t even won yet- the LSESU is so efficient these days.
Monday 2 March 2009
Some endorsements...
Society endorsements are trickling through. Notably, Fishy Dildo hasn't quite done enough to piss off PalSoc, and gets the #1, while MassDebater gets #2. He has however done enough to piss off LGBT, where Barton picks up #1. Presumably because Dildo GAGGED and Barton swallowed.
Sunday 1 March 2009
is there anyone alive out there?
seen as the strong fist of censorship has come crashing down on us it's time to reflect on some non election candidates.
This time last year HA was giggling it's way through the 'intrigues' that were FaridnButboy's dodgy Paksoc dealings. 'I'll catch you in my net Fishy' he wailed through the Quad...
Good work Butboy. You showed him.
the only one that actually bought any hilarity or electoral success was the rise and fall of Beaker to the giddy heights of disgraced c&s chair. Oh and Jamjar not knowing what the BNP was. but oh well.
I guess it was lonely at the top as there seems to be nothing but a Foreign Legion Officer candidate this year. Come on lads, let's see some wheeling and dealing. there's still time!
Beaker for Gensec!
This time last year HA was giggling it's way through the 'intrigues' that were FaridnButboy's dodgy Paksoc dealings. 'I'll catch you in my net Fishy' he wailed through the Quad...
Good work Butboy. You showed him.
the only one that actually bought any hilarity or electoral success was the rise and fall of Beaker to the giddy heights of disgraced c&s chair. Oh and Jamjar not knowing what the BNP was. but oh well.
I guess it was lonely at the top as there seems to be nothing but a Foreign Legion Officer candidate this year. Come on lads, let's see some wheeling and dealing. there's still time!
Beaker for Gensec!
Inter exec relations take 2
When is negative campaigning not negative campaigning?
Apparently when you are free to comment. so let's have a little comment on the sexploits of the normally asexual election candidates
Overheard in the Quad:
Hell-on-earth sounding off to Fuckley and Cookie Monster that Eh-man's butt boy Cole 'couldn't organise a piss-up in a postgrad' Ryan is trying the old sleeping with the enemy tactics. All we have to say is eurghhh.
Apparently when you are free to comment. so let's have a little comment on the sexploits of the normally asexual election candidates
Overheard in the Quad:
Hell-on-earth sounding off to Fuckley and Cookie Monster that Eh-man's butt boy Cole 'couldn't organise a piss-up in a postgrad' Ryan is trying the old sleeping with the enemy tactics. All we have to say is eurghhh.
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