Innocent, until proven innocent

Big up yourself Prakhar B! Respect for sortin' all the HA Massiv with a bangin' welcome message to ya Inns ov Court website!!!

Tip: Next time you try and make it look like a hacker got deep inside your data stream and set up loving notes to all our viewers and then plead naivety and innocence, do it properly, yea?

Safe.

We should all read the Constitution more

Here's a little snippet of the Constitution...

"12. Amendments

[Constiution amendments cut]

12.2 To the Codes of Practice

12.2.1 Any amendment to Codes of Practice shall be given at least three weeks public notice in term time and shall require the assent of at least two-thirds majority of the members present and voting at a quorate General Meeting of the Union
." (emphasis added)

So, it would seem the AU wag who called quoracy yesterday was indeed drawing our naive eyes towards the light, and showing us the error of our procedure.

It clearly means that all this Exec stropping that has been going on because people insist on calling for inquoracy counts is misdirected. The Codes of Practice change to allow referenda cannot pass if they're aren't 150 people in the UGM. Best get to work shepherding people in then boys.

On another point, Aled might not been quite so wrong in saying that we could debate the motion in the 4th week, given that it only needs 'at least three weeks public notice'. But then the Codes of Practice say those motions need 4... Who knows, and who really cares?

A question...

When is an inquorate meeting not inquorate?

When they decide afterwards that it was suspended because of paper throwing before the inquracy call, thereby saving all that had gone before in yesterday's UGM.

Nimble footed constitutional hops from Kev there, but, you know, there might be a problem with that not actually being what happened? What we need is some sort of recording of this public meeting, rather than having to rely on the minutes taken. I would never go so far as to suggest that the current powers are conniving enough to undertake Stalinist rewritings of history, but the current powers are conniving enough to undertake Stalinist rewritings of history, and I wouldn't really trust the minutes.

Any media man happen to get it on record? Care to share?

Babes, was it something we said?

"So. You came to our website after reading Hack Attack. No use lying to me, your computer just betrayed to me the websites you've been to recently. If you seriously read and believe every piece of shit that's posted there, you need to have your head examined. Now why don't you just nip back and join the rest of the SU assholes?"

"Oh, and if you happen to be the total cocksucker who thought it'd be cool to whinge to the SU about 'technicalities', please accept our sincere FUCK YOU, and keep your dirty nose out of where it doesn't belong. Rest assured, we will deal with you"

At least we're not at King's...

So yeah, Aled might swear on Pulse, but at least we don't have to sack him for being a gosh darned awful racist...

Potty pouty mouth

What could have riled the Führer so much that he was reduced to effing and blinding on the State of the Union show on Pulse today?

Was he still bitter over his failure at the UGM yesterday, even after he had thrown a little strop, and (dubiously) claimed to be able to count to four?

Was he tired of having to step in to break up the handbags between Beancounter and Blackberry Moussavi, each accusing the other of shouting in the UGM (the horror)?

Or was it being told on air that his power is nothing without a bunch of pissheads at the Real Ale society?

National Union of Shit-sticks

Last week six happy hacks went to Wolverhampton to NUselesS Conference for a day-long constitutional wankfest. At the Union's expense (natch), they traveled to the glamorous Midlands. And for what? Three of them voted in favour, the other three against. So, they might as well have
stayed at home (or at work, in some cases!). The most mysterious bit of the day was Faddy-Barking-Mader's arm, which seemed to have a mind of its own: voting for proposals he has been opposed to for many moons!

Vom-tastic!

Which Sabb threw up in his office earlier today? Apparently he read Kevin's letter (below) and couldn't hold back. Still, makes a change from the kind of bodily fluid that has graced that particular office in previous years...

Oslo Accords: Take II

Where the Bill Clinton failed, one man is attempting the impossible: to bring love and unity to the Middle East, to spread peace where there was war and to fulfil his dream of little Palestinian children playing side by side with little Israeli children. That man, ladies and gentlemen, is
Joseph Brown (or 'Seth', if you're an poorly briefed London Student journalist). Never mind that little wearing-Keffiahs-and-being-on-the-PalSoc-Committee business, Seph Stalin is The Chosen One.

Indeed, Seph's Israeli 'outreach' doesn't stop at arranging joint events, or "setting up the [Houghton] Street" single-handedly. Oh, no no no no no! He's also been spending an incredible amount of time with Israel Society, supping on the Zionists' wine and 'palling around' with the committee. So, just why is our famed Anti-Racism Officer spending so much of his social time with the NME? Could it be a genuine desire to spread his reconciliation, or is there another reason? Whatever the case, Seph 'Shit' Brown seems to get on with them better than his own
PalSoc committee...

Miss LS-Peeved

If you want to know how to wind-up Emmanuel "cum-into-my-office-I've-got-plenty-of-condoms" Anki-Panky, then ask the female bar-worker (who Hack Attack loves for the true person she really is, and not at all because of her exterior appearence) who worked at AfterSkool on Saturday.

Whilst she was chatting up one of his friends from da east-end massiv, they paused for a moment on the topic of the upcoming Miss LSE (Hack Attack does not endorse this disgusting, misogynistic event that sees beauty as only skin deep). The conversation unearthed that Anki-Panky has not been having much of what's in his name lately, and the bar person joked that perhaps Miss LSE was the perfect opportunity for Head-Welfare to get some. Maybe he's been being such a leaflet fascist (ripping them from the Tuns, Quad, behind the bars and posters to boot) that he doth profess to much at his disdain for the sexy, gorgeous parade?

When Crew Member 1 tells his bru of of this jest, Em rushes to the bar worker and unleashes a hell-like rage upon her, threatens to plague her eyelashes with hair-eating locusts and boasts that seeing as he is her boss she should watch what comes our of her filthy, heathen mouth, or else...

The poor lass won't leave the house now, and instead spends her days watching Sex in the City, painting her nails and applying an unhealthy amount of fake tan. Where's the Welfare in that?

Overheard after the UGM...

Word reaches us that the inimitable dulcet tones of Ali 'Barack ain't got nothing on me' Moussavi were heard eminating from the Pulse studio and ringing out down the Media Group corridor yesterday proclaiming...

'Aled's a mate, but he is a power hungry piece of shit isn't he?'

And then something less audible about calling members of some pointless committee into his office for a good disciplining. Dear, oh dear Styling Mousse. If you felt it necessary to bitch about him to a room full of boring radio nerds he can't be much that of a mate can he? Maybe keep the volume down next time, eh?

Go on boy, roll over...

Howie Dizzle didn't exactly woo the UGM yesterday, after refusing to even believe that there was any problem between police and students at the NAB opening, refusing to give any ground over the nursery, refusing to accept any responsibility for the credit crunch what he caused, refusing to believe the afternoon started after noon each day, and (a little bizzarely) taking time to have a quick jog about the place. He came across as a senile, pointy-eared, whinging, stroppy scrotum, and found his charm didn't wash with students quite as easily as it had in the past. People are getting frustrated with him, and rightly so.

So, you might question why Gashley Tang, re-elected Court of Governors representative, chose that moment to stand up, introduce himself to his baffled public, and declare he had absolutely no politcs whatsoever. Good work. Just when we need some loud voices about the place to remind the decision makers in the school that the Nursery has more than enough value to justify a £6000 per place (Papa Davies' figure yesterday), we manage to re-elect someone who proudly declares himself to have no opinions.

He has of course been re-elected. His performance at Court last year has been described as 'mute' and 'fucking useless'. So that's all good then isn't it.

So here's to Gashley Tang's second term on Court, may he be the loudest blank-face mute sitting around that table this year.

(Pseudonymed @ 21:23, 11/11/08)

'I'll stab up up yea blud...'

Odd-Bod Dan Smeldon was mugged at knife point last night, whilst wandering around lost looking for a Halloween party that would let him in.

Apparently, two hooded black yoots started walking towards him, at which point Smelly-dong ran away like a tubby, little girl screaming 'Help!' at the top of his voice. Obviously, no one came to help, so when the yoots eventually caught him up (which didn't take long as he's hardly Linford Christie) they kicked him in the leg and gave him a little cut above the eye with a butter knife. He refused to give them his iPhone, but said that they could take his female housemate, next to him at the time. The yoots declined.

When he did get to the party, everyone thought he had the best costume there. 'The blood looked really realistic,' they thought.