SU101 - Introduction to modern hackery

The first lesson of Hack School is: do not live with other hacks. Unfortunately, three silly undergraduates skipped this lecture and have decided to shack up together next year.

Ms Buckley, Mr Brown and Ms Cooke: expect some poor reports on LSEforYou.

'Whack that in your cool box!'

And so, no sooner were the elections over, the jostling for position for next's Sabbs ensues...

The Bacon-Brown Pact that warmed the cockles of this Hack-a-ha-ha may have been extended to a Brown-Merrie-Cookie-Bacon Pact. Despite the fact that this potential union sounds like a flavour of Ben 'n' Jerry's, the group could work fantabulously well. Or it could be really, really shit.

The the wannabes might do well to postpone any such jostling. You never know what able candidate PakSoc might push forward.

It's a long, burning road ahead.

Where did he go wrong?

Was it when he decided to do a bit of light reading in the library?

Was it when he decided to sit near the victim?

Was it when he nipped onto said victim's PC to alter their vote?

Was it when he mis-spelt the word 'cahnge' on the vote alteration email in a suspiciously frenzied fashion?

Was it when he deleted the new vote from the 'Sent' box?

Was it when it escaped him that said victim knew that he was one of the only people on the planet who knew what their previous vote was?

(Well, thanking the victim sarcastically for their vote pretty much gave the game away...)

Was it that he was one of the only people to know that said victim was eligible to vote in the RAG elections?

Was it when he gave ridiculous, yet measured responses to accusations of foul play by said victim?

Or was it when Lezzie Moaner blew his alibi?

Ben Philips Philips Ben Ben Philips...the Hack Attack's limited conscience despairs.

An apology

Over the past few weeks, readers of Hack Attack may have been under the impression that Ben Phillips was a careerist, cheating, Tory with a penchant for very poor campaign slogans. We now realise this was all completely untrue, and apologise for any damage we have caused to Mr Phillips' reputation. By way of compensation, Hack Attack has agreed to make a donation to Mr Phillips' favourite charity, the John Howard Beneveloent Fund for Out-of-Work Politicians.

HA

We're back

The mukier details of the previous post's temporary closure shall be revealed in good time.

It's a shame it was censored - the scribbling doubled our hits!

GAG him senseless

Isn't charity meant to be filled with kind hearted, generous, and just plain nice souls?

Apparently, the desire to be at the top of the RAG tree has produced behaviour normally witnessed in underhanded, role-stuffing Tory MP-wannabes.

The race for GAG President president has been marred by sly and dastardly (though admittedly original) behaviour from our favourite ex-British prisoner migrant Ben Philips Philips Ben Ben Philips (did he mention his name was Ben Philips?). The proxy system was sabotaged by Philips, not by use of shrimp, BBQ or cork hats, but by jumping on to unsuspecting students Outlook whilst they nipped off to the bog - to do whatever it is people do there - and sending in proxy votes for himself in their name. Hack Attack has no idea how many people he mugged off in this manner, but a good estimate might maybe be 57, or possibly even 142.

The disgraced Oz-bag has also reported cheated in a number of other ways. Perhaps by locking groups of 20 or so in S08 and forcing them at tong-point to vote for him, whilst hypnotising them with ancient Aboriginal calls? Or by simply annoying people (thought to be his preferred tactic).

Ben 'mental trousers' Jones was also running for the position, but didn't commit any political crime, just those againsto fashion in general.

Normally when people cheat in elections the guilty are disqualified. But because the RAG lot are so charitable, they've offered to give Philips a second shot.

Charity should not extend to the dogs that bit the hand...

How many members of C&S does it take to count less than 150 people?

All of them.

C&S' first test arrose yeasterday...and they royally ballsed it up. If only Baron Hallibut XXIV was there.

The UGM had been on the cards for weeks, and yet no-one had thought to do those silly, little 'organising' and 'preparing' things. Fah-far-away-somewhere-dil just thought he'd go ahead and start the meeting without a chair, or vice chair. Technically, he raped the Constitution; Ketters is pressing charges. Loud mouth Lu-lu instigated the verification count. After attempts to pull innocent members of the LSE public off the street, the meeting eventually died, as everyone there with an ounce of sense realised that it was embaressing and generally crap. This hack-a-boardo went home to dust his 1:20 scale airfix re-incactment of Stalingrad. Now that is a productive use of time; no one like dust.

That's 45 minutes you'll never get back.