Now look. If no-one is running against you, there are two things you can do.

1) sit back and wait for your pay check.

2) show the whole of lse that you do only know about sports and bugger all about any of the other aspects of the job.

Turns out the Glyn-ger one chose..............

like it matters...

So while we wait patiently for election fever (which may never come given how horrifically dull all the candidates are) the sordid tales of sexual favours for votes, violence in the polling booths and the obligatory reporting of Hack Attack to the Rewinding Officer, we couldn't help noticing that the wannaBeavers had some elections.

The only wins to tickle our fancy were Disandolo tickets for KimKim and RhiRhi, Corporal 'Cardigans make me Wetz', and like that bad case of thrush you've never quite been able to shake, STK has dipped his wick in just about the only clean bit of LSE that was left.

And hey, if none of them leave your pulse racing, there's always standard Shoreditch Dandy Thorpe to get you going.

It must be my birthday or something...

Fadhil Bakeer-Markar (for it is he) took a few moments out from 'reclaiming the union' to put his nomination form in for Welfare & Community. Only, he didn't. He got someone else to, pretended it was him & got disqualified. Or something.

Anyway, who cares. The important thing is - he's not running! Praised be the day.

Un-Lok-Ing barriers, to shame.

Oh dear, today we lament a great loss to the LSESU.

Nadeem Saumtally, Beaker, you've been known by many names, but today you've had to pass on your title of 'Disgraced Former Chair of C&S'.

If you feel you need any form of guidance, bereavement counselling, etc, Hack Attack is, as always, here to help.

Overheard at LSE

Which Flabbatical was so outraged at a former conquest's refusal to jump on the newspaper burning bandwagon that he just couldn't keep his bruce banner impression under wraps? (well from her facebook inbox at least)

Sweetie, maybe you do need a holiday. We've even picked one out for you. All expenses paid! By your salary that is.

Runners and riders...

Electi-what? Sabba-who?

It's that time again. With the fall of Akpan-Fisher regime in sight, which 'ordinary' students think £28k is a fair price for a year of abuse and rapid weight gain. Taking our finger off the 'Ignore Friend Request' button for a minute, we'll outline the candidates for the upcoming elections. Not the non-sabb ones, though, cos who cares?

GenSex
Charlotte 'Makes-Me' Harder - "charity is great! students are great! yay! charlotte is great! yay" - sneak preview of the manifesto, there.
Rob 'Charred' Cock - 25% pay-cut, eh? He'll be regretting that in a few months! With Mr. BeerCan and STDeepend on his team, how can he lose?! (Hint: by taking their advice).

AU Sabb (Sorry, Activities and Development)
Charlie Gym - is anybody else seriously thinking about running? Seriously? I think even RON is thinking about pulling out of this one.

Minister for Social Affairs and Citizenship (MoSaC)
Hero 'Stole Cold' Austin - running on a clear 'green' ticket.
Olly 'Peter' Townsend - running on a clear 'banter' ticket.

Education, Education, Education
Andrew 'Ian' Wright - going for the 'I know more than you approach' only works if you're standing against a club promoter.
'Griff' Rhys Jones - Oh.

Not yet declared:
The Fadhil-Sheldon 'Dream Ticket'
The Token Lefty
The 'Reza 4 Caliphate Officer' Campaign

ScottWatch

In a new feature on HackAttack, we'll be charting the progress of the our favourite Hizb-excusing, iCan-iCan't-iMaybe LGBT Officer in his abortive run for sabb.

This week, Scatt has been trying to get his manifesto together.

Wall of #fail

Robin Low iCan Vot Yes
Shibani Mahtani but you can't spell vote, apparently?

Save Lsesu NUMBERS OF REFORMS BACK TO 3, 4 AND 9. 349 349 349 349 349 349 349 349 349 349 349....yes we know this takes the piss.
Shanti Kelemen Excuse me - you ASKED me to change it back.

Ashok Kumar yo yo LSE peeps remember to VOTE NO on ref questions 3, 4, and 9: https://elections.lse.ac.uk/elections/voter/login to preserve student union autonomy and democracy.
Seth Eappen i just voted yes on all 3
Mehul Khakhkhar yeah, me too.

Discover ISoc

Eager Beavers you are.

You're hardly our Mr. Right, but we give you props for starting the endorsement race for a position that doesn't exist yet. Beware young Padwan, your competition was fasting today in efforts to bid for their love.