Spectrum anal-yzer

Credit to Imperial's Live! website.

Who's the sexiest candidate?

With a distinct lack of LSESU Hack News, oogling over the pond may provide Hack Attack viewers with the kind of high-brow, in-depth political hokey-pokery they may have been missing.

Whether you want Billery or Obamatron to win, the question you should really be asking yourself is:

Who is the sexiest?

Fortunately, some nutters on YouTube have already helped us out by pitching their favourite to us in music video form. The Obama one was even one of the nominees for the recent YouTube Awards in the Political category. Enjoy...

Boris

Do we really want a man who confuses rugby and football to be the next Mayor of London?



I guess rugby's all they play at Eton.

Pillock.

Another dick in the Wall

Despite being denied the General Secretaryship, everyone's favourite Irishman Steve 'Show us your tits' Wall has been named as the Chair of UCL Council (and also - seemingly - has been knighted).

Well done, Steve!

Bareback Mountain

It's the end of term, and James BeerCan has decided to let his hair down.

However, only one of the following pictures is fabricated. Can you guess which one?

5 Across (8 letters): Dabbling with something new.

Shout outs

Big hello to Andy 'Colin' Farrell, the Press Office and everyone else in the LSE bureaucracy who reads Hack Attack.

Love you lots!

xxx

Wet Beaver

Shock result for the Beaver editorship: Joseph "Useful Idiot" Cottager won the day over Aled's Green buddy Mike 'Charley Says' STDeas. Meeting was packed with Beaver hacks and Deas-friendly lefties and went on for what seemed like an eternity. Maybe a taste of Sunday nights to come for those lucky few who made it onto the Ed Board.

Rumour has it that Camp Dilwyn is disappointed with the result. De-ass is unlikely to disappear next year: seems like a special position near the top of the Beaver tree will be created especially for him. Awww... those Beaver people are really nice!

What does this outcome bode for Beaver-Sabb relations? We shall see.

Hare's Pished-off

Westminster Council may well close down our little Hare-man's soup kitchin - which aids the many students who have drunk their loan by week 3 - because another 'food retailer' has protested that the sweet, little veggies are eating their profits.

Hare Krishna is asking for help from all us students to try and continue their do-gooding. If you're interested, go get the phone number with your free curry tomorrow.

They can take him to courta dn they can whine, they could even burn down his cute orange trailer as a Mafia-style warning, but the only way this dispute is going to get settled is with a good old fashioned food fight.

Sadly, Darling Maria will finish off this hypothetical brawl when she rams a BLT & sausage ciabatta down our friend's gullet.

And this Hack-Hare used to like her. Bitch.

The high price of democracy

Candidate's budget: £50

Sabb paper allowance: £30

VoteSU08.com domain name: £5

Compensation to the LSE for damage to the count rooms: £13,000

Drawing of James Sausage's inadequate penis on the white boards: priceless.

STOP PRESS
Unconfirmed rumours suggest that next year's count night will be held in King's College's English Department.

Over-eager

According to Facebook, the newest member of F&S, Sanjiv "Full colour posters" Nanwani, has amassed a huge number friends in his short time on Houghton St. Here is a quick comparison:

Sanjiv Nanwani: 373 friends at LSE in 5 months.
Jimmy Tam: 1,031 friends at LSE in 4 years.

Hack Attack projections indicate that networking crazy Sanj will have 3,580.8 LSE 'friends' when he finishes his year as Treasurer in '10/'11. This sets a new level in hackular ambition. Oh joy.

In other news...

If you thought our Union was fucked, spare a thought for these poor bastards.

At UCL, their GenSec has just been suspended following a controversial AGM in which the now infamous 'Demilitarised zone of Gower St' motion passed [i.e. stop cadet forces from recruiting on campus]. Seems the meeting was dodgier than Fadhil and Jonathon Aitken setting up a timeshare company.

Now the right wingers are rejoycing and attempting to overturn the decision - UCL itself has launched an inquiry. Lefties around London are expressing their 'solidarity' with their beleaguered comrade. Jokes.

Essex University Union (yes, it is a proper university) has had its fair share of troubles, too. The incumbent Labour careerist President Doughty was re-elected in the face of opposition from the Trot-coalition 'Viva Essex' (LOL). Turns out the RESPECT lot did quite well: taking every Sabb post apart from President. That was until someone smelt a rat. Someone voted 180 times on the online voting thingy, and the Union called in the Feds (aka NUS's election observers).

Following a re-count, and without the benefit of the hanging chads, Stinkin' Rich Doughty is leaving Essex to wallow in its own pointless leftist grandstanding. His only legacy is this gruesome corporate video:



Finally, whilst we have elected a welsh Dildo, York Union has elected a Pirate as their President. Seriously. He has pledged to dress and talk as a pirate for the whole year. Hack Attack strongly endorses this candidate, and is currently drafting a motion to mandate all of next year's Sabbs follow suit. Yaaaaar!

Unattrributed quote

Which member of the new exec exclaimed "My fingers smell like I've been fingering" following a seafood dish at the first executive committee dinner?

Wasn't the only case of 'Too Much Information' that night.

Spotted!

Steve "Lend us a fiver" Wall causing havoc at the Law Ball. The Unchosen One was getting physical, ripping buttons off the shirts of the Dolanator and starting fights with laid back jazz enthusiasts.

Tings have got to change!

Soulja Boy's Shame

Muslims might not drink, but BeerCan does, at least he would, if he wasn't a child.

At Dildo Fishbate's masterbation fest BeerCan was ID'd by the comedy waiters not once but twice.

On discovering his babybum face was actually owned by a 20 year old, they apologised, "it's just, you look like a teenager."

His inability to obtain alcohol makes the following video even more mysterious. Enjoy.

See you at the soshieties' awards!

Or maybe you won't, because Captain Morgan couldn't be fucked to tell anyone.

This Fat Hack is looking forward to devouring the £300 worth of grub up for grabs. The pricy bill is apparently justified because 'Muslims don't drink'.

What!? Maybe they get high on prawns covered in breadcrumbs instead?