Grow some balls, people

Anonymous comments are for pussies. Keep it friendly, hacks, or at least put your name to your remarks! Honestly...

THE list

Make sure you're sitting down, because it's the one you've all been waiting for... THE definitive list of who's running in Lent. Shoot me now.

This list is in order of likeliness-to-win; notable society affiliations listed; political views are in terms of the SU [i.e. even if you claim you have no politics, within the SU most people can be put into a bracket]. Look away now if you get offended by idle speculation.

General Secretary
Aled Fisher [Green/left/ISoc/current exec]
Daisy O'Brien [soft Tory/former UGM Chair & F&S]
Andy Hallett [Lib Dem/centre/C&S]
Stephen Wall (Irish) [right/Intercollegiate hall president/masters student]

Treasurer
Doug Oliver [Lib Dem/centre-right/Court of Governors and former Returning Officer]
Fariduddin Butt [Pakistan Soc/soft ISoc/Court of Governors]
Wil Barber [Living Wage/Rosebery/former Returning Officer]
Shayaan [SU receptionist/soft ISoc/Pakistan/F&S]

Ed Welfare
Emmanuel [Rosebery/Pulse/possibly ISoc/centre-left/Academic Board]
Daisy MF [Green/PalSoc/far-left/Womens Officer]

Comms
Dan Sheldon [Labour/Pulse/JSoc/centre/previous Comms candidate]
ISoc/AU candidate TBC
Abz Hussain [soft ISoc/Pakistan Soc/C&S]

Residences
Louise Robinson Jnr [some soft Tory Roseberyite]
Helen Roberts [Tory/Carr-Saunders/former C&S and Returning Officer]

Societies
Nadeem Saumtally [Hindu Soc/C&S]
Zoe Cooke [Pulse/centre-left]
Ben Phillips [RAG/Ozzy]

International
S0me ISoccer
Ayushman Sen [Indian Soc/'moderate']

Anti-Racism
Joseph Brown [PalSoc/centre-left/C&S Secretary]

LGBT
Lizzie Merrow [FemSoc/German]

Womens
Some FemSoccer

SWD
None

Vested interests

The UGM is set to pass a motion BANNING Societies from supporting students in elections, so come stop them! Each year societies send out emails to recommend candidates to their members and to get them to vote! Societies reach out beyond the normal hacks of the SU by trying to make the issues and candidates relate to students who don’t attend the UGM. Last year under 25% of students voted – we need get more students involved not less!

vs.

Union Notes
3.12. THIS MOTION DOES NOT PREVENT SOCIEITIES INFORMING THEIR MEMBERS THAT SU ELECTIONS ARE TAKING PLACE AND HOW TO VOTE!

Welcome, Beaver

Seems like someone on the Beaver has started another blog about the SU! Just what we needed. Some interesting gossip on there, but not as up to date as Hack Attack. This hack can reveal that there won't be an online vote on the Israel motion: it will be a ballot for three hours in the Quad for those who attended the debate.

Spotted...

Simon "Malfoy" Douglas, walking through the Three Tuns. What is it about former C&S Chairs... they just seem to keep coming back for more!

'Isarael' is back!

Unfortunately PalSoc seem to have lost the ability to spell. Will it be the only thing they lose in the next few weeks?

Poor Patience

Looks like someone has robbed the SU Cafe during a fire alarm. Details sketchy at the moment... the Quad looks like Basra.

:(

Tongue like a snake...

Staying with the Beaver, here's some choice quotes from the partner of a certain editor, as featured on the scribe's Facebook profile. This hack reproduces them without comment.

"Fuck off, bat. Fuck off bat. Fuck. Off. Bat."
"You've got a tongue like a snake, drink like a horse, and shag like a lion...!"
"That is fucking shitloads of cum!"
"If I'm ever in a mood, just rape me and I'll be fine."
"What do you want me to do? Bugger myself with a vase?"
"You are the number 1 best man in bed in the world."
"Woah! It's going too fast! Steery steery steery..."

The 'other' elections...

No, not super-dupa-tsunami Tuesday, but the Media Group elections... hard to contain your excitement, isn't it?

Looks like there are two main contenders for the Beaver editorship: Michael "one man James Caspell PR agency" Rice-and-Deas and Mr Poems himself, Joseph Cottager. Doesn't exactly inspire this hack... but surely either will be better than Kevin and Perry Go Large: a man worse than the SWP at keeping people involved in an organisation. Bring back Sam Jones!

Meanwhile, in the Pulse Studio, egos are growing even more than the sexual tension. Who will be able to fill Dolan's big boots: Wetz Himself, Lady Gaye or Mark "Sexual" Harrisment?

Who knows? Who cares?

Spotted!

Large Valentine's rabbit in LooSE TV office. Is love in the air, or on the air?

A polite notice

Dear every fucker who buys things in the SU Shop,

I know that your daddy usually buys everything for you, but in the real world people buy things with money. So in future, please do not be surprised when the assistant asks you for money in exchange for the product you wish to purchase. In fact, it would probably be a good idea to get some money ready while you're queuing.

You idiots.

Yours
Hack Attack

Gen Sec race more crowded than a 25 bus

So far we have Aldi Dildo Fascist, Andy Hutley Mutley and Abzolutely Insane.

We can now add the following names to the list:

The ubiquitous Smug Oliver. God help us all.

Stephen "Derek" Wall - random Irish postgrad. No chance.

George Wetz Himself is running, too, apparently. Look forward to a week long 'Chocofest' in place of Global Week.

The best democracy money can buy...

Upside down man

Favourite bit of the UGM was when the exec were called to the stage to count the votes for the C&S no confidence... Ziyaad made his way towards the stage only for the Sabbs to indicate it would be wise for him to stay in his seat! Is there anybody left in the SU who we can trust to make an impartial decision?!

Non-Sabbs...

Rumours abound. Do let me know if you hear any others.

Residences: Helen Roberts
Societies: Seph Brown
LGBT: Some German lesbian
The Green Party Officer: Justus Rollin'
Womens : Antonia or Sacha from FemSoc